Insanity of the X Kids: Trunk Space
by Stretch
Summary: Welcome to Mutant High, where the kids learn something new everyday. Like how to fit Jamie Madrox into a trunk, and why you shouldn't take the teacher's after shave! Much anticipated third part! ~Please R&R!~


A/N: Hi Guys!  Back with more X-Kids hysterics and hi-jinx.  And, because I can't help myself, I'm adding even more characters this time around.  Say hi to Sam and Paige Gurthie, Jamie Madrox, and a teenage Cajun.  Anyways, if you missed parts one and two (go and read them now!) then you'll need to know that the boys now have control of Zoe's (my OC…go read the Struggle, right now!) car.  And Bobby's got big plans for his night of freedom.  Old Spice, anyone…?  Hehehe…And now I give you:

The Insanity of the X-Kids: Trunk Space 

Kitty and Paige were involved so deeply in their enlightening conversation (snort!) that they even failed to notice Peter as he stepped out of a room backwards, still talking to whoever was within…  
            "Ah'm tellin' ya Kitty, The Dixie Chicks would kick Brittany Spear's ass hands down, even if she did have Christina's help," Paige said, waving her hands wildly in front of her for emphasis.  Kitty just shook her head.

"Whatever you say, hayseed."  Just then, Peter decided to make his timely entrance, walking right into Paige's waving hands with a dull, metallic CLANK!

"Son of a corn-farmer's daughter!" Paige cursed, rubbing her hand in pain.  "What's the big ideah, giganto?"  Peter stumbled back into the hallway, to a chorus of laughter from within the bedroom.  

"Sorry ladies.  I vas distracted putting my tventy on second base," he said as if it were the most normal answer in the world.  Both girls just stared.

"Zoe!  I'm stealing your pantyhose!" Marie called from her room down the hall.

"Peter, what the hell are you talking about?" Kitty demanded as the large (understatement, but anyhoo) kid started to turn around and make his way back to his room.  

"John!  Where's my good shirt?!?!" Bobby voice resounded from one door away.  

More snickers erupted from beyond the open door.  As Peter tried to explain what he meant to Kitty, Paige barged past him into what happened to be John's room.  And lounging around were Sam, Remy, and surprisingly (not!) John.  And in John's hands was a piece of light blue cloth that looked, surprisingly, like Bobby's dress shirt.  John was using a permanent marker to write ICEPICK across the back in bold lettering.

"You know, I vas giving John my tventy dollars so he could put them on second base," Peter said, confused by Kitty's utter lack of understanding.

"'Allo der Paige!  What can Remy and dese fine boys here do fer you on dis fine night?" the Cajun asked, way too chipper, and in way too good of a mood, as he spun in circles on John's desk chair.

"Jubilee, I'm stealing your pantyhose because I forgot that Zoe doesn't own a single piece of clothing designed for a woman!"

"Hey!  What about that red halter top?" Zoe called indignantly, her voice emerging from the office down the hall.  "You know, the one with the little, black, flowery things?  That's pretty feminine"

"That's my shirt!"  Marie sounded enraged

"Oops, my bad."

"Remy, boys, what in the name of molasses are ya doin?" Paige asked sweetly, but with a look in her eye that said 'I'll kick yer ass if you screw with me.'  Sam had learned from experience not to mess with his sister when she looked like that.  He quickly yanked the shirt from John's hands and sat on it.  Yeah, like that wasn't obvious!

"We ain't doin' nuthin' Paige.  Why do ya ask?" he wondered, voice quavering a little as he spoke.  

"Yes Peter, I heard you the first time," Kitty explained in her 'talking to delusional and confused foreigners' voice.  She was quickly losing patience.  "But why did you give John twenty dollars.  Are you betting on the baseball game?  Is that it?"  Peter shot a quick look into John's room and, receiving emphatic nods from the three other boys, nodded himself.  Kitty cocked an eyebrow.  How stupid did they think she was?

"Zoe?  When's baseball season start?" she called down the hall at the top of her lungs.

"Six months from now!"  The entire group of boys gulped visibly.  

"It's a minor league game," John li- I mean explained.

"Zoe?  When's minor league ball start?" Paige cried.

"Six months from now!  I told you that!" she called back, sounding pissed.

"Well der chere, you got it all wrong.  See, what John meant was dat it be a minor league _cricket_ ball game.  So, ya see, dis all just be one big misunderstanding…" Remy rambled on, still spinning on his chair.  That is, until he accidentally ran over the sleeve of Bobby's ruined shirt, sticking out from under Sam's butt, and was launched through the air as the chair stopped.  He hit floor and somersaulted into John's closet…

CRASH!

John's shoes and random knick-knacks rolled across the floor as his shelving unit collapsed under the weight of a Cajun cannonball.

            "Son of a-!"

            "Kitty, I'm stealing your pantyhose because Jubilee doesn't own a single thing that isn't yellow!" Marie called, now scrambling through Kitty's room.

            Kitty had had enough.  She grabbed Peter by the arm, hauled him into John's room with her, and closed the door behind them.

            "Alright, cut the crap.  What's going on you guys?" she demanded to know, standing next to Paige with her arms crossed.

            "Don't you know what day it is?" Sam asked, looking from girl to girl.  Paige was just about to bark out an answer when something, or someone rather, slammed up against the door.  Hard!

POUND!   POUND   POUND!

            "John!  You open up this door RIGHT NOW!" the visitor called from beyond the door, pounding it methodically.  

            "Oh-," John's jaw dropped

            "Crap," Remy finished for him, stumbling out of the closet (hehe!).  Everyone knew that voice.  Shaking like a lamb stuck in a tiger pen, John reached out and un-bolted the door.  Instantly, it sprang open.

            "Oh…hi Logan.  How's it going?" he questioned as the hairy man forced his way into the room. 

            "Alright you little fire-starter, where is it?"  John was obviously confused.

            "Where's what?" he squeaked, as Logan put one of his hairy fists under John's quivering chin.

            "I ain't gonna ask you again, bub.  WHERE is it?"  John was just about to wet himself when Logan raised his head slightly, and sniffed the air.  Then, without another word, he tore out of the room and down the right hallway.  Everyone, still frozen to their seats, heard him pounding on another door.

            "Alright, alright.  I'm coming…" came Bobby's muffled reply through the bathroom door.  Then he must have opened the door because there was an, "Ahhhhhhh!" followed by the sound of crashing glass and splashing water.

            A minute later Logan stormed back off down the hallway, still fuming and carrying something in his big, hairy fist.  Zoe, coming from the other direction, paused and leaned against the John's doorframe, looking puzzled.

            "Why was Logan charging down the hall with a bottle of Old Spice?" she asked.  Everyone laughed…well, except Peter, who had no idea what Old Spice was.

            "Remy thinks that he was teaching Bobby a very valuable lesson," the Cajun snickered.  

            "Huh?  You'd think he'd know not to steal aftershave from the scariest person the planet, but okay.  So, what're you all doin'?" she asked, plopping onto the ground next to Sam.

"God Damn It!  Doesn't anyone here own a pair of pantyhose?!?!" Marie roared in frustration from Kitty's room.  "Please don't tell me I'm stuck with yellow???"  

"Wait just a darn tootin' minute now!" Paige cried in triumph.  "Old Spice, dress shirts, and pantyhose?  That can only mean one thing…"

            "Hey, have Bobby and Marie left for their anniversary date yet?" Jubilee asked, strolling past the room.  Paige stopped mid-triumphant leap, her thunder officially stolen.  The boys just laughed like jackals, least 'till John fell off the bed.

            "Well, I hope you're all happy, because that's just sick!" Kitty cried in indignation.  "Taking advantage of poor Peter like that, and betting on how far Bobby and Marie'll get tonight," she started to storm out angrily, but stopped when Sam realized something.

            "Hey!  How'll we know that they actually…you know?  How'll we know for sure how far they actually get?"  The boys just stared at one another dumbly.  Now it was Kitty's turn to snicker.

            "What about a hidden camera in the car?" John suggested.  But Zoe shook her head.

            "Trust me, there's no place to hide one where'd you'd be able to see anything.  You'd be better off just following them yourself…what?"  They were all looking at her like she was a freaking genesis.  "What?"

            "That be da perfect plan, petite!" Remy exclaimed.  "Remy follow da couple and den he report back."  John chucked a pillow at his head.

            "Lousy Cajun, you'll just cheat.  Besides, how'll we follow them.  Borrow Scott's car?" he demanded sarcastically.  Stealing Scott's car was 'bout as safe as stealing Logan's aftershave.  It looked as if they were out of ideas when Sam suddenly demanded,                  

"Zoe, how big is your trunk?"  There was a giant pause, then…

            "Oh no!  We are not hiding out in my trunk!  There's no way in hell we'd all fit-," Zoe started to rant, but Remy cut her off.

            "Well, all of us don' have ta fit.  Jus one of us…and Remy thinks dat Jubes over dere be just da right size ta-," Remy began, eyeing Jubilee the way a hungry wolf eyes a steak dinner.

            "No way, you crazy Cajun nut-job!  I am not willingly locking myself in some smelly, old trunk just so you can loose twenty dollars!"

            "What makes you tink dat Remy gonna lose, petite?"

            "Um, hello?  She Marie can't touch anyone.  She can't get halfway down the first baseline, let alone all the way to third," Jubilee exclaimed in exasperation.  The boys all stared at her blankly.

            "Twenty bucks says Bobby tries anyway," John exclaimed.  As WWIII began again, Paige stuck her pinkies in her mouth and let out a sharp whistle.

Whhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

"Look, no matter what the bet, it still takes us back to the matter at hand: someone has to go and see," Paige announced when everyone was quiet once more.  "So we still have the problem of who it's gonna be."

            "Yeah, and trust me, Jubes is the smallest one here, and she won't fit.  I'm telling you, it's a little car.  There's no way we're going to find someone small enough to fi-," Zoe ranted 'till, 

            "Hey guys.  What's going on?" Jamie Madrox asked, coming down the hall from the direction of the kitchen.  Remy looked at Paige, Paige looked at Sam, Sam looked at Kitty, Kitty looked and Peter, Peter looked at Zoe, Zoe looked at John, John looked at Jubilee, and then everyone turned to stare at little Jamie.

            "Guys…?"

TWENTY MINUTES LATER….

            Bobby was waiting in the foyer for Marie, swinging the keys idly back and forth in his hands.  It never occurred to him that Zoe had surrendered them far too easily.  He was too stunned by the vision coming down the stairs to really care.  

            "Hey there…nice tights," he murmured, glancing down at Marie's shapely legs, hidden under a bright yellow pair of stockings.  She shot him a look that clearly said 'don't mess with me Ice-boy.'

            "Ready to go?" she asked him.  The romantic (awwww!) pair made their way downstairs to the garage, not really talking, just enjoying the pleasure of each others company.  Bobby opened the door for her when…

            "What the hell…did we miss something here?" Bobby demanded when it looked as if half the population of the school had shown up in the garage.  

            "Uh, uh, we…we just, you see…," Sam stuttered, standing behind Zoe's old beater of a car.

            "We just wanted to see that you guys had the proper send off on your _anniversary_," Jubilee chimed in, coming to Sam's aid and slurring the word anniversary, teasing the pair like a grade schooler would.  It was the perfect ploy.  If Bobby suspected anything, it wasn't that there was a very angry and slightly claustrophobic 12 year old stow-away in the trunk of his car.

            "Uh-huh.  Whatever," Marie rolled her eyes and forced her way past Peter, crawling into the passenger side.

            "Now Bobby, you be careful with my baby tonight," Zoe began, but Bobby had already kicked the engine to life and they squealed out of the driveway into the night.  When they turned the corner, everyone breathed a huge sigh of relief.

            "Dat was way too close for Remy's liking, petites," he muttered, shaking his head.  

            "Yeah, but it worked," John exclaimed.  "And now, we wait!" he said triumphantly, pulling a small walkie-talkie out of his back pocket and flipping it on.  "Jamie, can you hear me?"  The line crackled for a moment before…

            "John, so help me God, I'm going to kill you while you sleep!" Jamie shouted over the line.  Paige jerked the walkie-talkie away.

            "Sure, whatever Jamie.  Now listen, when they leave the car, you just pop the backseat open, climb out, and follow them inside, alright?"

            "Pop the backseat open?!?"  Now he sounded slightly panicked.  Zoe gained control of the WT.

            "Yeah, look.  The backseats of the car fold down so you can get into the trunk without getting out of the car.  But the left latch doesn't work really well, so a good kick'll open it from the inside.  Then you just hop on out, kay?"

            "Whatever…"

            Bobby and Marie decided to make a little pit-stop before the movies: driving up to the ridge and watching the stars come out through the sun roof while they lounged in one another's arms in the backseat.  Ice-boy turned the engine off and he and Marie sat in silence for a moment, before his hand began snaking it's way up her back.  Marie giggled like a little girl.  Suddenly…

            WHAM!  WHAM!  WHAM!

            Marie's giggles turned to screams as the whole car began to rock back and forth.

"Zoe!  It's not working!  I can't get out!" came Jamie's frantic plea over the speaker, some half-hour later.

            "Whoa, take it easy Jamie.  Don't panic, sometimes it sti-," she began

            "It's really dark!  I can't see anything and I can't get out!  Oh, wait!"

            "What?  Are you okay, Jamie?" Zoe demanded when his voice cut out suddenly.  The was silence for a sec until,

            "I think I found a flashlight in here…"  Zoe gulped.  Kitty leaned over.

            "Zo, I didn't see a flash light in there when I looked earlier."

            "That's because there isn't one.  Just some sweatshirts, a tire jack, a few tools, and…um, some road flares," she explained.  Everyone just stared dumbly for a moment, looking at her with dread in their eyes.

            "This light isn't working," Jamie muttered dejectedly into the WT, and he could clearly be heard smacking the 'flashlight' against his palm in the background, trying to make it work.

            "JAMIE DON'T DO THAT!" the kids all exclaimed at once.

            "Why no-?" 

 BOOM!

Bobby waved his hands in front of his face to clear the smoke.

            "What the hell…" he muttered.  He'd been flung into the front of the car, forcing the front seats of the two-door to fold over.  And laying upside down on the collapsed back seats, was Jamie, or rather twelve Jamies, all of them coughing on smoke and patting out still-smoldering clothes.

            "Ahem," Bobby cleared his throat.  All twelve boys looked up, and each one pointed at another.

            "It was him," twelve voices chorused, in the trunk of the destroyed car.  Marie just moaned.

            "Happy anniversary sweetheart."

A/N: Hope ya like…?  Now go Review!  I mean it!!!! :)


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